Drug Abuse of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Stupidfic
Summary: drugs are bad, m'kay?


It was another boring day for the SOS Brigade. They spent their free-time in the club room reading books or playing board games or making tea. But the day would soon get interesting, as the crazy-ass leader of the SOS Brigade, Haruhi Suzumiya, came in carrying a bag of cocaine.

"Look what I found lying in a garbage can!" shouted Haruhi. "Let's go snort it right away!"

"Haruhi are you out of your mind?!" shouted one club member by the name of Kyon. "That stuff is illegal! We'll get suspended just for possessing it!"

"Don't be such a wimp, Kyon! Hey, Itsuki, want some cocaine?"

"No thanks, I'm already high enough as it is" Itsuki Koizumi replied with his creepy-looking grin.

"How about you, Yuki?"

"I don't want any" said Yuki Nagato with her usual monotone voice.

Haruhi turned to the last SOS Brigade member, Mikuru Asahina, and then latched onto her.

"Come on Mikuru, I know you want to snort some cocaine."

"I d-don't want to use drugs" Mikuru whimpered, afraid that Haruhi would sexually assault for the billionth time.

The head of the SOS Brigade got off of her prey and shouted "FINE! If you all want to be a bunch of pussies, then go ahead! More cocaine for me then!"

Haruhi marched out of the club room and slammed the door shut. Half a second later the others continued on with their activities.

-

The next day, Haruhi Suzumiya came to school shaking uncontrollably and giggling softly.

"Heeeeeeeey guyz hehehehehe…" said Haruhi. "Look what I has found again!"

She took out another bag of cocaine and poured it out on a table. Haruhi then took out a straw and used it to snort the white powder. Kyon stopped her before she could sniff up almost a quarter of the cocaine.

"Why didja do dat?" whined the drugged-up Haruhi.

The party pooper Kyon responded "because you're high enough as it is! And why are you taking this in the first place?"

"Becuz peepl whov gotn hih r mor likly tu ncountr alinz, tim travlrs, n esprs."

"Yeah, because they're hallucinating! Now cut this out before you hurt yourself!"

"NEVR! Besids, Im startn tu c prety colrs!"

She giggled as the world around her started to glow with colors that changed every second. And strangely enough everyone else saw the lights as well.

"Aw crap" said Itsuki, "I wasn't expecting this to happen."

Kyon asked "what's going on?"

"It seems Haruhi's ability to alter reality itself is taking effect due to her hallucinations."

"Really? How are suppose to stop it?"

"Well… we could remove the cocaine out of her grasp and hope the effects wear off soon."

Kyon nodded. He swept the crack back into the bag and threw out the window.

But that proved to be useless as the roof collapsed with the white powder raining from the sky. Haruhi danced like a moron as 70s music played from out of nowhere.

"Shit" Yuki spoke dully.

Suddenly, the reality around them started becoming worse. Everything became wavy and blurry, and soon all the furniture started to make barnyard noises.

"YUKI!" Kyon shouted over the 70s music and animal sounds, "DO YOU HAVE A SPELL THAT CAN EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL?"

She replied "I do not. Even I did I can not do it due to the data interference of Haruhi's…" Before she could finish she turned a giant piece of cheese.

"Oh god no!" gasped Kyon. "Hurry Mikuru, go back in time and try to prevent from Haruhi from finding the cocaine!"

Mikuru was just about to travel through time, but all of a sudden Cthulhu appeared!

"I AM THE GOD OF HORROR" Cthulhu shouted. "I CAME HERE FOR ONE REASON ONLY… TO SEXUALLY HARASS MIKURU!!!"

The monster used his tentacle-filled face to fondle the poor girl. Mikuru cried as she was helpless to stop the abuse. In other words she was being a usual hentai girl. The drugged-up Haruhi noticed this and decided to join in as well, much to Mikuru's displeasure.

Kyon turned to Itsuki. "Please tell me you can use your esper powers now."

Still smiling, Itsuki spoke "sorry, it doesn't work right now."

"Do you know I hate you a lot?"

"Do you know I'm sexually attracted to you?"

Kyon blinked. Then he dove into a huge pile of crack and snorted up as much as he could.

At that moment the universe began to fall apart. Things that didn't exist became real, sounds became colors, colors became sounds, and then language itself turned into complete gibberish_**BGTJRD8TRTGEU8BHERBGHERG7H778HHVHJNJ865EJGJ76HES775SDH7G690EHSR7GY6H 76YW5Y6W5JTCFFCCT45TJW8G5784GWSS0578GT VY 45YT5757GY0,. ,,U5WE,W,,. 65,,W5,.W,55W5 !&!t!67 H7DGTRXS7XB,.,-,.XZXCUZJXCG7GTY7CB Y7DTR6H NJV N XNJDMKLBFMKLDDGRTCG UFTHBGFCV CBGJ.**_

Then the drug wore off and Haruhi swore to never use drugs ever again.


End file.
